#039 Stephanie Harrison: Leading Your New Happy
In this episode I speak with founder and CEO of The New Happy, Stephanie Harrison. Stephanie is an expert in happiness and lasting behaviour change and before starting The New Happy led learning and Thrive Global.
Join us as we discuss defining and creating happiness based on what's truly important in life.
As well as exploring Stephanie's own personal story and inspirations, we dive into:
- The fascinating insights from Stephanie's positive psychology related research on happiness
- Why, as a society, we are so stuck in a cycle of achievement
- The importance of making your unique contribution in the world
- Breaking through perfectionistic tendencies
- The tiny actions we can take towards more conscious success
- Some things you can do to live and work your New Happy
You can find Stephanie and her incredible work at https://thenewhappy.com
Transcript
**Kate:** So I am here today with Stephanie Harrison. Stephanie is the founder and CEO of the New Happy and an expert in happiness and lasting behavior change. Most recently, she led learning at thrive global, where she was responsible for creating their behavior change curriculum that transformed the wellbeing of millions of employees around the world. And prior to Thrive, she was a product marketing leader at LinkedIn and a management consultant at Deloitte. It's funny us Deloitte people, you just can't get rid of us. She was also an instructor at the university of Pennsylvania where she received her masters in applied positive psychology.
I love positive psychology. I'm so excited for this discussion. Welcome to the Leading Beings podcast, Stephanie.
**Stephanie:** Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you and to talk about all of these amazing things.
**Kate:** Yes, me too. You have been on my radar for such a long time. I can't remember exactly how I discovered the New Happy, but when I did, I was like, Oh my gosh, this is amazing. It's such amazing content that you produce through the New Happy. So let's start out with that. Tell me, tell me a bit about the new, happy.
Tell our audience a bit about the New Happy and how that came to be.
**Stephanie:** Of course. So I think for me, it really stemmed from a problem that I had in my own life, which was believing that certain achievements and chief among them, things like job titles and promotions and nice apartments and other successes that come from the material world were going to make me happy.
And so I pursued this desire to accumulate. More and more of these external achievements and they racked up and they racked up and nothing really changed. I continued to feel a sense that something was missing from my life, that there was something wrong about the way I was going about doing things.
And ultimately that cumulated in a realization that I actually have been approaching happiness all wrong and that everything I had been told about what it means to live a good life was actually quite flawed and leading me down this path and I looked around and I saw so many other people who are also pursuing and prioritizing the same things.
And none of them seemed very happy. None of them seem to be fulfilled. They just kept searching for more and more and more. And ultimately that led me to heading to the university of Pennsylvania where I did my graduate work. And while I was there, I wanted to figure out what exactly was going on. Why did I fall into this trap?
And why were other people falling into this trap? What did the research have to say about it? And so I ended up writing a thesis where I integrated over 300 studies summarizing that essentially the long and the short of it is materialism does nothing good for us. Extrinsic rewards do nothing positive for our wellbeing.
And in fact, they have led to catastrophic implications for society. This, this kind of hardcore pursuit of individualism personal success over interconnectedness this desire to accumulate more and more and more has not only harmed us, but it's also harmed our society. Which has become incredibly unequal as all of us know it's harmed our planet, which is fighting back against our consumerism at this point.
And it's created a massive mental health crisis in my opinion. And all of that led me to wanting to talk about this and share it. And then also to come together with all the people out there who also believe this and catalyze a movement towards redefining happiness. And I think the, the real goal of what I'm hoping to build is to help people to name a new path forward, to be able to say, I'm working towards something different.
I'm living my life by a set of science-based principles that actually do lead to wellbeing and to the well-being of our society as well.
**Kate:** Yeah, there's so much good stuff in there already that I want to dig into. What an amazing thing to be working on.
**Stephanie:** I'm lucky. Every day I just wake up, like I am so blessed to get to do this.
**Kate:** Yeah. Something that I I'd love to dig into with that is that, where these beliefs come from? Like, what did your research show you about where this, where this stems from?
**Stephanie:** That's such a great question. It's not coming from a place of malice. That's the interesting thing about it for the most part. I mean, obviously there are malicious actors everywhere, but these broader messages are things that we've been taught by our parents and our families, the people who love us the most, because they are trying to make sure that their children are happy and safe and warm and protected.
And they want us to, to kind of achieve more than they did to pursue new Heights as their progeny. And so there's this familial element that comes along with it. There's a media element, certainly of the impact of advertisements, the impact of who we uphold as our societies heroes and the people who have a weight and influence in the way that the world is run.
You know, they are people who've made a lot of money and we still enshrine these individuals who are very successful at say in like making money, but that doesn't give them moral credentials. Although we assign that to them in our capitalist society. And then the third piece is really the, the nature of our society is that it's rewarding people who pursue their own self-interest in the form of money, in the form of power.
And those are very enticing rewards. And again, like, I want to be really clear. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make a good living for yourself, to provide for your family to achieve more than your parents did. None of this is intrinsically bad in any way. It's just that we can't live for that alone.
We have to live something more than that. And the something more based on my research is. Helping other people using our unique gifts, giving of service of ourselves. And that pathway integrates both your individual self-actualization as a person, which is what that kind of capitalist bent is going for. We've defined self-actualization as being monetarily rewarded or rewarded in status and titles, but it's integrating that with service and I think we've lost the service part of it. And that's really what I'm striving to, to bring back and in the way that we are teaching about wellbeing.
**Kate:** Yeah, I love that. So the unique gifts part. Tell me about that. Like, why is that so key to this?
**Stephanie:** I love that question too. Everyone wants to be successful, right? Like that's just something we all want to do. We all want to feel like we're doing well at the things that matter to us. And we all also really want to feel authentic. Like we're being true to what is whatever that seed of magic is inside each of us. We want to honor that and to express it and to fulfill it and. It's so important that we each find the unique gifts that bring us alive. There's no one way to help somebody. There's no one path to being a fulfilled human being. It all comes from a sense of what's unique to you and what you can do to help.
And I think about someone like mother Teresa, as an example, You know, sometimes when I talk about this, people immediately go to somebody like that as the ultimate exemplar a Paragon. And of course she is, of course we should esteem people who devote their lives to service in such a way.
But mother Teresa also was following what she wanted to do in a way she was going with what was fulfilling for her personally. And that is not going to be a right fit for most people because it's not authentic to them. And we all have unique ways that we can serve in the world. Most of the time where we serve is in our little worlds, right?
It's, it's how you talk to people. When you get your coffee in the morning, it's how you show up for your coworkers. It's what you do for your family and your friends and your neighbors, right? Like we all have these environments in which we can share our gifts and in doing so we not only get to experience the joy of fulfillment and self-actualization, but we also get to be of service.
And so. It's this like magical win-win that when I finally discovered and realise it, I was blown away that something so great could exist. Like just how wonderful that the thing that's best for us is also the thing that's best for other people.
**Kate:** Yeah, I really love that. And I love you said like the little seed of magic inside us and the magical win-win. I think that's so beautiful. And it's so aligned with my philosophy around Leading Beings too, about bringing that uniqueness to the world. And I things about when we dive into what's truly unique about us is that will abolish competition with and with the things around you. And I think we're in this world where social media and the internet means that we've got access to what everybody else is doing and the highlight reels and everything. But when we're doing the thing that is so unique to us when we're not in competition anymore, like there's no one that can compete with our true unique strengths, gifts experience because no one else has it.
**Stephanie:** So true. I love that so much. And I think you're right when you're operating from that place, you're coming from this place of such strength and worth, and it does give you this additional superpower, like being in your lane in that way. So I, I love how you described that. I could not agree more.
**Kate:** We're just going to spend this whole podcast agreeing with each other, how boring. So in terms of like how you've gone about creating this for yourself, where did you come from? Where are you now, what have been the things that have helped you create this in your own life?
**Stephanie:** Create my own New Happy.
**Kate:** Yeah.
**Stephanie:** I think that for me, I would say that my unique gifts lie in taking information and then translating it in a way that resonates with people in, in the way, I suppose, like one way of describing that would be, would be teaching. But I also think it's about how to make complex topics a little bit more digestible and a little bit actionable, I think like trying to like translating that these higher level ideas into action, I would say is been a consistent theme in my professional career and also my personal life.
And. So, you know, it's funny. I always think about that Steve jobs quote, about when you look backwards, you can connect the dots. And, you know, I think about my time as a consultant, and that was a lot of what I was trained, how to do was to digest lots of information from a client and then figure out what are the key patterns, what are the things that matter most and what are recommendations that we can give to people?
And then I went to LinkedIn and I worked in a number of different jobs there, but many of them revolved around the same thing. How do I take an idea and then communicate it to people in a way so that they can transform their behavior. And then at Thrive, I designed our behavior change programs, which were all about doing that. And then that combined with my academic training at that point, made it this like really wonderful experience of flow for me. And so now in getting to do that every day through the work that I do, I feel like I'm drawing upon those different life experiences and using, using my training in a way that I never would have guessed and never Never would have expected, you know, that it would kind of come to this to this moment.
And I remember my parents always used to tell me like what you're learning now you will use it in the future, even if you don't think so. And I remember rolling my eyes as an early twenties like, yeah. Right. Whatever. But it's, it's totally true. So if anyone out there feels like they're wasting their time right now, you're definitely not wasting your time. It's just hasn't come to fruition yet. So I would say that's my, that's my one of my gifts. And I I also think that it's having the goal of helping to inspire people to serve that really came from me from when I was in high school. I. Did a service project to India. And it was this really interesting, like twist of circumstances that we were supposed to work on building a school, and then there was massive flooding. And so it didn't happen. And we ended up going to volunteer at this incredible place in India, which was run by a man named Baba Amte who had this philosophy that for people who have been cast out of society, and specifically this mission supported people who had leprosy, they needed to reclaim their sense of pride and worth and joy and fulfillment. And they did that by being of service to their community. And they built a series of homes where people were enabled and supported and doing this and that philosophy has stuck with me since that time that I was there and it has truly, truly inspired me. And I think that I'm trying to kind of pay that and pay that forward in some way, and also to share it with other people, because that service being of service is the ultimate win-win. And when you do it with using your gifts and so that for me was a really foundational moment in my life that I think really shaped where I am today.
**Kate:** Hmm. Yeah. I really love that. And why do you think that it's, or, you know, whether it's from the research or your own experience, why do you think service is the, like that key ingredient in living a New Happy type of life?
**Stephanie:** Because we're not alone we're here with one another. And we find meaning through our relationships, we heal through our communities and our relationships. We are born to be connected. Our biology rewards us every time we are connected to somebody else that rewards us. When we do something kind, endorphins are released in our brain.
Every time we help somebody we are made to have awareness and act upon that sense of awareness of our interconnectedness. And we have built a world that asks us to ignore that. And that world is now a place of heightening, heightening, tensions loneliness, you know, depression and anxiety.
Just so many, so many challenges that we're experiencing from a wellbeing perspective, even as the world has gotten richer happiness, hasn't gone up. And I, I believe that it's because we've lost touch with that sense of interconnectedness that, you know, there's truly nothing except for an ocean separating you and me, we're the same when it comes down to it.
It's that wanting to. Wanting to reclaim that sense and that awareness and then to act upon it that I think is truly the differentiator in what it means to be really happy. It creates a sense of happiness that isn't dependent on pleasure or fleeting, you know, achievements or anything like that. It creates a stable sense that, you know, I matter my life matters and other people matter.
And I think that to me, that just is kind of like the most beautiful thing ever.
**Kate:** Mm. Yeah, I can't agree more. And I think the challenge for us though, at the moment is that it seems as though you referred to earlier, the fact that there's these people and you created the new happy as this community or space for people who have this belief and this want to live like this, but it seems like there's almost these two sides where it's like half of the world is wanting to live like this and half of the world is living in a total other reality where they don't see this connectedness.
They want to divide. They want to create barriers and things. How do you think we combat that as leaders in our communities, in our lives, in our countries, families how do we shift the needle on that. Big question I I'm if you won't be upset if you don't have the answer to one straight away.
**Stephanie:** You raise such a good point. I think my, my thinking here is that it's, what's within our responsibility and what is within our power. And so we can shine the light. And we can't control whether people come to the light or whether they want to light their own light, but we can be there as exemplars and we can show another way of being.
And I think that's really like what you're also building with your platform, right? Like there is , to me, one of the sweetest phrases and in the world is there is another way. It's not the only way. And I didn't know that, you know, when I was 23 and kind of going through my existential crisis, I had no idea that there was another way to be and another set of goals to pursue.
And so, I think that all we can do is to embody it in our lives, like commit to the principles. Do our very best to hold to them, forgive ourselves when we can't hold to them because we're too tired or didn't get enough to eat or whatever it is when we just don't have it in us that day.
And then we can talk about it and share our stories and tell all of the places we've gone and what we're interested in and how that matters to us. And I think over time, the more people who can, who can do that, the more that that needle will shift and eventually we'll get there.
I really, I really, really believe that we'll get there, but it takes us all to do, to do our little part.
**Kate:** Mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do all have a responsibility. Don't we? And I think when, when we kind of look out to the world and go, well, no one else is doing it or other people aren't doing it or our leaders aren't doing it. So I'm not going to do it yeah, you're right. Nothing's going to change. If we don't take that responsibility on ourselves and go, well, what can I do?
Like, what is my influence? What is my impact? You talked earlier about Serving in our own little worlds. And I always think of service and impact like a sphere and like where at the center of this sphere universe and like the things that closest to us like our family and our friends . we have an incredible ability to impact those people in a positive way just by like you said showing up you know being nice. Nice is a terrible word. But being kind like and showing up to people in a nice way And you know having that that influence that makes someone's life better just by being in your presence And then you know there might you do, which might be that layer out, which kind of, you know, maybe requires you to come together with more people to really have a bigger impact. And then as we go out and out and out, we might go right out to, you know, the world and the environment, and we can still have an impact at that level. We just need to maybe come together with more people to make it happen. But it's that, that center part that we have the biggest influence and impact over and particularly ourselves as well, right at the center of that circle is us.
**Stephanie:** That's so true. I love that. I, I really think that there's another thing there, which is kind of interesting, which is that like, I think sometimes our desire to change the world and to find purpose and have a meaningful life. Sometimes that desire can get warped a little and it becomes kind of like twisted by our egos, right?
It's like for me to have an impact, I need to reach a hundred thousand people or a billion people or whatever it is. Right? And I think you're right. I actually, I don't think that's necessary because if all of us are doing our bit for, you know, the 10 to 20 people around us, who we interact with the most often, and then they do their bit and on and on and on it goes. That's how you end up impacting a billion people. Right? Like that's what, that's how change really happens is in those moments. And I think it's about like being cautious of , is my desire to help actually being twisted by. My ego and my desire, my kind of more old happy desires
**Kate:** Hmm.
**Stephanie:** and, and being masked in that way.
I think that's also something that's really been something I've been thinking about lately and worth being mindful of as well.
**Kate:** Yeah, that's so true. And I think that whole kind of capitalist way of being, and, you know I think the way that a lot of us were raised, I was just having a conversation with a friend about this yesterday, that I think a lot of those in our generation were raised with that that message of like, you know, work hard, do the best you can do, be the best you can be.
And, you know in a way our parents were very well-meaning in that message of trying to just get us to work our hardest and do the best that we can. But also there was this level of expectation there of like, we believe in you. We believe that you can do great things and do. If you just try hard enough work hard enough, you'll get there.
And so I think a lot of, a lot of us have kind of taken that on, in a sense in that we feel like we should be always doing more and that we need to make this big impact and we've got to work really hard. And it's not to say we shouldn't work hard, but you know I think our egos kind of do think that we should be doing more and if we're not doing more and if we're not doing the really big things, well then. It's almost not worth doing so if I'm not going to be perfect, if I'm not going to make global change or, be the best or be the top of my company, then why bother trying? It's that kind of perfectionism gone awry. And even with the most well-meaning people, I think that can get in our heads and we're like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to put myself out there because. I'm not going to be perfect. I'm not going to be the one, you know, changing the world. And if we let that stop us we're not going to make any change at all.
**Stephanie:** So true. Honestly, this was such a challenge for me personally, overcoming that . I mean, it's still something I probably, I would say I battle with on like a daily, hourly basis. I think the perfectionism myth, that being perfect is the goal and that if you can't be perfect, why bother? I mean, it's so harmful and it's so pervasive. There are so many people I talked to who describe themselves in the same way. And it really took a lot of coaching and support and awareness and hard work and overcoming these default patterns to get over that. And now I've become convinced that the most important thing is learning . Not the most important. One of the most important things in the whole wide world is learning how to put yourself out there in a way that is a little bit uncomfortable with something you're not a hundred percent happy with to just start and to stop kind of waiting for things to be perfect. Stop waiting to be motivated, stop waiting for you to master it before you share it.
You know, all of these ways in which that perfectionism works, our minds. I just think it ends up hurting us so, so much, at least really, really harmed me personally.
**Kate:** Hmm. You said that you did a lot of work to kind of overcome that. What are the kinds of things that you did? Cause, I mean, this is something I talk to my clients about all time and people Talk to me about it on social media. That it's one thing to know that you have this perfectionism in you or you have this need but to actually deal with it and get Get through it or get past it or live with it and still move forward is really really difficult. So what did you do? What was the work that you did to help you get there?
**Stephanie:** Honestly, like no one is going to like this answer. It's like exposure therapy. I think it's doing it, like just forcing yourself to be so uncomfortable with something that's imperfect. For example, like starting anything is scary, right? And I procrastinated on starting the New Happy for like three years, literally.
Cause I was just like, Oh, I don't know. I don't have the perfect plan. I don't know how to talk about this stuff. Like, I don't know what to call it, you know? Oh, what if people hate it? I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done anything like this before. And like, Oh, you know, like just the excuses, like for years and years. And it would have kept going, except for I met my current partner, Alex, who is the opposite and bless him, has really helped me so much in overcoming this. And he's a designer and an artist. And so he's ingrained in this mentality of like try stuff and see how it goes and get feedback in this much more like iterative way of living. And he basically just kept pushing me to do stuff. Like oh, well, we're going to decide on a company name by the end of the weekend and whatever we have is good enough. Or when are you going to get your first newsletter out? Like, okay, well, you're going to set aside a couple hours and like, get it done if it's not perfect. Just send it out anyways. Just this constant process of starting before I felt ready, starting like.
Months before,
**Kate:** Okay.
**Stephanie:** Oh, I'm going to teach myself how to make art, digital art. And like, I'm just going to try something and see how it goes and put it out there and be brave. And honestly, like every time I do something like that, I, I want to like throw up a little bit. It's still funny, this, this thing inside of me, but I think it's about not going too fast too soon, but what's the level at which you're starting to get a little sweaty about it, right? Like what does that mean? And then trying it, and then realizing that you're going to survive and then doing a little bit of a bigger step the next time and the next time. And then all of a sudden, months pass and you realize I'm actually kind of good at this now, or I've done something I never thought I would be able to do.
And then that creates this kind of motivation to keep, to keep doing things in that way. So my answer is do the thing you're scared of.
**Kate:** Yeah. Yeah. And I love that you said as well, starting before you're ready because I think we have this tendency to go, ah, I'll do that when I'll do that when I'll do that when I feel confident. I'll do that when I have enough learning. I'll do that when I've got that degree. And we can just put these barriers in front of us of and we never end up starting anything.
And again, having this conversation with a friend yesterday, we were talking about this idea of You know, doing things in perfectly and, and, you know, you do a hundred things in perfectly, and you've got a hundred things worth of stuff out in the world. And if you do nothing perfectly, you've got nothing in the world.
**Stephanie:** So true, honestly, thinking about that. It's kind of like the analogy I always reminded myself with is kind of like exercising. Like you can't get, you know, if you want to get strong and build muscle and like be able to, you know, lift heavy boxes or like, you know, feel like you can play with your kids because you have enough energy, whatever it is.
You, you can only do that by exercising. You can't think your way to it. You can't read magazines about running. You can't look at Instagram and like watch people's fitness workouts or all that stuff. You have to do it. And I think that what, what Alex has taught me, what I've learned through this process is that , If you have a choice between thinking about something and doing something, I would choose doing something like 99 out of a hundred times, because as you said, like there's going to be something that happens from that.
Whereas if you just think about it, nothing is ever going to happen. Nothing is going to change.
**Kate:** Yeah. Yeah, totally. So I'd love to kind of change tack a little bit and kind of dig into a little bit of kind of what you have uncovered through the research you've done, you know, the amazing newsletters you write in the New Happy. If you were to think about, people out there in the world who are trying to do meaningful work or trying to lead with service and make change through their lives, their work, their businesses. What are some of the things, whether it's practices or ways of thinking or whatever it might be that you've uncovered from your work that really helpful for people trying to make that change in the world.
**Stephanie:** I would say one of the first things is just setting an intention To try and live in a way that fills you up and also fills other people up. So like there's this kind of morning intention that I personally say to myself every day, which is I'm so lucky and grateful to be alive today.
And I will use this day to produce happiness for other people and for, for all beings everywhere. And. I think when you set that intention for yourself, I think that you start to notice obviously new opportunities in your life in which you can embody that. And especially when you pair that with something, like having clarity on your core values and what matters to you with you have, when you have awareness of your specific skills and your, your strengths as a person, all of a sudden these avenues start to open up for you. And , so that's kind of like an overarching practice that I highly recommend just in terms of starting to orient your consciousness in the right way. I would say that there are also specific practices that are really helpful. A lot of them are, are things that you're an expert in, like meditation is an incredible technology for reducing our ego and for bringing awareness to our true selves, and to the nature of the world. I would always recommend that as a practice anything that is about extending compassion to others. I think I would say that for me, the most transformative practice it's been Buddhist, loving kindness, meditation. So extending love to all beings, including yourself, which is where this kind of morning intention is, is derived from. And studies have found that just simply practicing that meditation for eight weeks, not only improves your psychological wellbeing, but actually increases your physical health as well.
Going back to what I said about how the body rewards us when we are compassionate and generous and kind. So I also recommend that one really Kind of like a modified, I would say like Buddhist would probably not love this This is how I try and embody it, which is any time I'm meet somebody. Like whether that's hopping on a video call or back in the old days, you know, like buying a cup of coffee or buying groceries. Just silently saying to myself, when I greet them, like, I hope this person finds happiness. I hope this person is free of pain and. That sort of act of extending that compassion to those, you come across starts to rewire your brain as well.
And so the more you practice it, the more it becomes a default and starting to view the world as this playground for love and for for service and forgiving. So I also recommend that. And then really, I think there's a huge component of what you do for your, for your job, for your work and whether your job is something that you get paid for or as something that you don't get paid for, like being a full-time parent or a caregiver, or you know, something that just currently isn't making money, whatever that looks like for you.
It's about, again, finding that space in the Venn diagram between the thing that lights you up, that makes you feel like you're following your little magic seed. And then the thing that the world needs. And again, the world could be the world in your neighborhood. It could be the world in your home. It could be the world in in your office or in your, your company and finding that interplay between the two and realizing that it's like, it's not a trade-off.
What you do for yourself is also what you do for others and vice versa that the two are integrated. And so a lot of the the stuff we talk about is about like those, those practices for finding those gifts and for sharing them as well as the practices that are, win-wins like finding joy in your life, building resilience self-compassion all of these really important tools for wellbeing.
**Kate:** Yeah. Yeah. And I love what you're talking about there. Like it's not an either or it's, it's a both. And I think one of the things that a lot of people struggle with and particularly if we go back to what we were talking about at the very start of the discussion around the way that society builds us up so It's all about the money and the things and the stuff, is that people have this craving for something deeper and richer and they look at it and go, Oh, but that could never give me all the things that is going to give me a "quote unquote" successful life. And this is where I something I'm really passionate about is putting the notion of conscious success out into the world, success that is conscious of yourself and what's most unique to you and what's your special Juju in the world, but also, you know, conscious of those around you, conscious of your environment and that you can have a version of success that is positive for all of those things. But you can't get it if you don't believe that it's possible because you'll continue to play. Maybe playing, small's not quite the right word, but you'll continue to limit yourself in terms of the possibilities that are out there for you in, in terms of like living your, your New Happy. Or living as a Leading being. Or let's bring all our things together or whatever it might be.
So you said that there's there's some practices that can help people with kind of finding that thing and finding that that win-win anything that you'd recommend to people that feel like perhaps that they're... I think the audience that probably are listening to this, they're probably on their way, but if they haven't fully stepped into that role of service and win-win life living or working any tips or ideas on that.
**Stephanie:** I think that it actually kind of ties back to what we were just talking about with the perfectionism stuff. Like I think, and I'd be really curious to hear your take on this as somebody who works one-on-one with people. But I think most people kind of know they just like don't want to know, you know, it's like, It's there. You know, you're like, yeah, I always, ever since I was a kid I wanted to do X, Y, Z, or, Oh, I'm like really interested in, in that thing. Like I think people know. And it's more about how do you create the space to have the ability to face the knowing? Because it can be really scary and especially depending on where you are in your life, the like responsibilities that you have the expectations that other people have of you, all of these things can make it quite challenging to look at in the eye. And that's why a coach or a therapist or a really great friend or a community group can be so helpful because they can create that container for you to explore that.
And the safety to feel like, Oh, it's okay for me to look at this thing and to explore how I might embody it. And then it's doing something trying it . I think often if you know what it is, maybe the thing that's holding you back is not the not knowing it's the fear of not getting it perfect. And also when it's like, when it's so inside of you, like when it's so authentic and meaningful, you don't want to do it incorrectly, right? Like you don't want to dishonor it. And that fear of not getting it perfect. Again, can hold us back from doing the thing that we always have dreamed of doing. And that's like this terrible, tragic irony that again, having support systems can make such a difference.
And so for me, I would say one, do I have the space to explore that question and the container in which to do so. And then two, what is the smallest possible step I can take to actualizing that? And I would never advise somebody to just go and quit your job tomorrow to go be a scuba diver or like to travel the world and to whatever it is that you're, that you're unique dream and gift is.
It's like, what's the small thing I can do. You know, what's the tiny action I can take that moves me a little bit closer. And to embodying that and seeing if is this the right manifestation of this gift, is it. Is it not like there are many, many ways that you can manifest your authentic self and to do so in a way that's aligned and consciously successful.
It doesn't have to be one way and giving yourself the space and the playtime to kind of explore that and viewing that as a journey I think is so essential for going down that path.
**Kate:** Hmm. Yeah. And you've made me kind of. Think about something that I work with, a lot of my clients on is it's actually creating the transition plan you are now to where you want to go. Because I think a lot of people like, they look at where they are now, you might even be doing really positive work already, but there's something that's not quite right. Or like, you know that you're doing the good work, but the life flow is a bit off or whatever it is. But it's kind of going okay, well, I'm here now. And if that over there is where I really want to go. Like, it's not that I'm going to get straight there. And I think often when we focus on the future vision and look at this massive future ideal vision, which is a great thing to do, we've got to have the vision in order to be able to go there. But going okay, well now I'm going to step back from that and go, okay. Well what are the steps like almost like the stepping stones from here to there, because I'm not going to get straight there. And I think when we're talking about living in our world, where we do have all these different responsibilities, we have families, we have jobs, we have all the things we've got to do.
We might have mortgages. It's like, yeah, it is actually irresponsible to just think that you can. Get straight there, but you know, even that creating the space, like that's one of the first things I work on with clients that are trying to transition into a new career or create a new business or something.
It's like, how are you going to create that space? So that not just actual time space, but like mental space, emotional space that if you don't have the space, you're never going to do the things that you need to do and do the thinking and do the work that you need to do to get there. So like that's transition phase part one. Create some space in your life, in your brain, and that can be done in so many different ways that can be done by getting supports that can be done by, Taking an afternoon off, doesn't even have to be like going part time, like one afternoon, a week off from your job or something.
And just finding those ways to carve out that little bit of time to begin to make the transition. But if you don't have that space carved out, it's just too hard to work through those, then next steps that are going to actually get you there. But by having the transition as well you don't have to put yourself at risk. You don't have to feel unsafe. Like I love that you brought up that word of safety, but yeah, you've got a, you've got to have that more gradual plan to help you do it in a way that feels like it's not so overwhelming.
**Stephanie:** Yeah, I love that you like in that work that you do, you're creating both the, the kind of higher level philosophical, like spiritual purposeful element, but then also tying it to practicalities. And like, those are both parts of us that we need to honor. And to that need to be addressed in any big decision or any life change. I think it's so wonderful that you're, that you're guiding people through honoring of both of those sides of our experience.
**Kate:** Yeah. I like what you said then too, is it's like the, that spiritual side of things. I think there's, there's a lot out there in the world at the moment that where the spiritual feels or can feel, not all the time, but can feel a little disconnected from the real world living. So I think that's so important to make sure that they are connected and brought together.
**Stephanie:** I think that's so interesting. One of my mentors once said something to meokt really like shook my ship, my world in that vein, which was living is a spiritual practice. And it was like this huge light bulb moment of, cause I had been, I think I had been like chastising myself for not meditating enough, like not honoring my, you know, my spiritual goals and like all this like kind of nonsense or whatever.
And she said that to me and it was like, this light went on. Like, Oh, like actually the whole point is to be better in the world and. I think what you just described as like such a powerful tool of helping people to navigate that paradox.
**Kate:** Mm. Yeah. I think living can be a spiritual practice, but living can also not be like, if you going through the motions and going through life and maybe, you know, just chasing the material things you can go through life, not having a spiritual connection to what's going around you at all.
Or you can go through life deeply connected. Yeah. Actually the, one of our previous podcasts with Dr. Ricki Jane Adams, she talks a lot about you know, getting away from kind of spiritual trinkets and that kind of thing. And actually like living from intuition and spirituality. So yeah. Have a listen to that one, if you haven't as well as
**Stephanie:** that sounds great.
**Kate:** So before we wrap up, I'd love to ask you the final question. This podcast is called the Leading Beings podcast. So how do you show up as a Leading being in Life, work and business?
**Stephanie:** I love this question. I've been thinking a little bit about it. I think that I strive to show up. As a Leading being by coming from a place of love and of compassion. And I think that I can't really think about any decisions in my life that I've made, that were made from a place of compassion for myself and compassion for others that ended up not serving me or serving other people.
And I can think of many, many, many examples of decisions that I made coming from a place of fear of jealousy, of anger, of frustration, of stress that were harmful to me or harmed other people. And I think that I'm really passionate about this kind of like macro concept of serving, changing the world for the better, and I'm convinced that if there was one decision that we could make, that would help to make that happen, it would be to cultivate compassion for all beings.
And that is a huge element of that is self compassion. And the one that I think most people who are in my community, who are, who happened to live in Western societies, like the U S and Canada and Australia and England they have the most trouble with. And I think that if we can cultivate that sense of love and compassion in our lives, and then use it as like this the space within us that we can return to, to make our decisions from, to be our true selves from, and then have that ripple out to the people in our lives and to the rest of the world, as you described with the circles. I think that we, we could have a massive impact and really change the world for the better. And so for me, that practice of what brings me what brings me back to that place of love and compassion for myself and for others.
And continuing to cultivate and deepen that and to forgive myself when I can't do it and keep trying, I would say, has been the most transformational part of my own personal journey. And I think the thing that I would, if I had to throw everything else out, it would be the one thing that I kept.
**Kate:** That's amazing. I love that you put so much emphasis on self compassion because when you think about it, if we can't be compassionate for ourselves, how can we really be compassionate towards others? Hmm.
**Stephanie:** Yeah, we're so mean to ourselves. And if, even if we just fix that, even if we just helped ourselves out with that a little bit, we would, we would be able to move with. So much more love in the world. And yeah, I think it's, it's really beautiful to learn how to love and forgive yourself and to, to continue to go on that journey.
**Kate:** Yeah. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. Stephanie, it's been an absolute pleasure. If you want to connect with Stephanie, what's the best way to do it?
**Stephanie:** You can visit our website at www.TheNewHappy.com. And we'd love to meet you there and help in any way we can on your wellbeing journey.
**Kate:** And I gather you're on all the socials and the things as well. If people want to find you there as well. And I highly recommend signing up for the New Happy newsletter. It is one of the few newsletters that I let through the Gates of my inbox because it's so jam packed full. Yeah. It's just so jam packed full of like really amazing information.
A lot of it is research based, if you like that, but also just delivered in a way that's just really human and heart-centered. So highly recommend it. Hope this has been A great conversation to listen to. I know I've certainly enjoyed it. Stephanie, thank you so much. And I look forward to staying connected with you.
**Stephanie:** Thank you so much for having me. It was such a gift and joy I'm so thankful.